mmmm my 21st bday fucking sucks all my best friends are pregnant...selfish assholes. they just couldnt wait til after my bday.
it wouldnt have been so bad but she still had the cowboy hat on when my mom walked in
i asked him how he could stand the smell of skunk. his answer was "it smells like good weed"...
"Does your mom know how big your cock is?" Worst dirty talk I've ever had.
as he left, i held up my fist and said "pound it out" and he was like "are you serious, we just had sex..."
I got lit on fire and andy went to jail last night. Totally unrelated incidents though.
I AM HAVING A WEIRD OUT OF BODY EXPERIENCE. IN CAPS LOCK.
He won't sleep with me again until I commit...
Run. There is other dick in the sea, less clingy dick.
mate, my mother watched me threw up out of my nose wearing only a g-string.
I fucking hate you. Some slutty looking drunk chick backed her ass up across the bar and started grinding on you. You ignored her because you didn't want to share you drink
I care about my drink far more than her feelings
I woke up at 4 am to a guy curled up in the fetal position sobbing in our front yard. Oh college.
A dick pic is not a proper way to say I'm sorry
i just woke up, first off why is there pineapple everywhere and who's underwear is on my ceiling fan ?
What am I thankful for..I figured out I can drink on antibiotics without getting sick thanks to the power of pot gummies
I am no longer embarassed by my vagina
It concerns why you would be in the first place, but I'd rather not know
Randomize
