Would you rather have a 10 inch but pencil thin penis or a 2 inch very fat one?
Fat, it's not about touching the bottom it's about raising hell of the sides.
..i think i can hear you losing your virginity
i just missed the spain goal because i was puking in the bathroom. damn you open bar.
I just pull a splinter from the head of my penis. It was a rough night.
not the best booty call
did she squirt?
only if tears count
I just hit the bong during the whole bday song then blew the candles out with my exhale.
Its 10:23 on a monday morning and im craving jello shots, this is a problem
You call it a hangover, I call it a baby squirrel burrowing its way out of my head.
It's funny to me the only time that you clean up is when your weed delivery man is on the way.
Well my sober pact lasted almost an hour. Then I did four shots. But in other news, one of those shots I took with a midget. So like I couldn't turn that shit down.
I'm playing drinking games with a boy who looks like Liam Hemsworth. I think I'm fine.
new dating motto: let your guard down, not your panties
Nothing will stop me from making the title of my paper "The Great Political Cock Block." Absolutely nothing.
I finally figured out how to tighten my bra straps and I feel like a god
I guess I called her at 2am, demanding that she bring us food. She told us to order pizza, and I yelled "DON'T MENTION PIZZA!" I recall nothing.
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