don't worry, i have a range rover and a brother hopped up on steroids.. we can solve this little misunderstanding quite easily.
I can't belive they dont sell booze Sunday mornings. I mean some of us have to work
i feel as if its time to shave my pubes but i should wait until before the party. nobody likes a sloppy drunk girl with a stubble-crotch.
story of my life.
walking in back of a girl wearing booty shorts, a halter and a bracelet that says trainwreck. I don't get it. The first day of nice weather and all the whores come out, are they like hibernating bears or something?
Accidentally just signed something at work 'lotus flower' I need to keep my stripper life separate from real life.
hot boxing the bathroom at chili's. where the fuck are you, it's too big of a box for just one person.
Note to self don't give these guys your number. I've seen more dick tonight than a proctologist sees his whole career
somebody went from crying while watching Full House, to a full on emotional raging bull...I love this time of the month
dude, im taking a shit and i just realized it's his MOM in the shower not him...oh fuck
I better make out with at least 3 princesses and 4 animals this weekend.
Letting Freddy Krueger eat me out = HAPPY HALLOWEEN TO ME!!!
Binging muscle relaxers because when ur 33 you can no longer SHAKE IT LIKE A POLAROID PICTURE for 2hrs w/o consequences. Fuck you, Age.
Bro I needs to be rescued in 30 mins...prfeebly someone died in a car accident needs to be the excuse
Goat in kitchen.....explanation?....
Maybe I’ll just go to the party as myself
What, a homewrecker?
Touché
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