Loo but I'm already drunk TINIGHT! CAPS ATTACK
i just saw a woman using her birth control packet as a wallet.
His hospital is closing...I consider it "sorry you're losing your job" sex.
Um, yeah. You lit my birthday candles with a joint. Mom= not happy.
He was really drunk and I dared him to jump the swimming pool on his bike. Sadly he couldn't. Hey did you know a testicle can burst?
I love drunk self when he leaves a prepacked bong for the morning... in the bathroom.
He wanted a handjob during a John Wayne movie. I just couldn't find it in my heart to disrespect that man. John Wayne that is.
we where pretty evenly matched until he threw me through that wall
He texted me for drugs this time. Not sex. I dunno if I should be pleased it's not sex or disappointed that I come across as a druggie
Hey. Me and my buddy are drunk. you wanna give us tattoos of the hawaiian punch guy we shall pay very well. Seriously dude. no bull shit.
Slow dancing with the chandelier.
My jeans are ripped and her glitter was all over me.. My walk of shame looked like I fucked a unicorn last night
The homeless guy who goes through my garbage cans just gave me a flyer for an AA group.
Wanna know what sucks. Banging the bosses daughter at work and having the boss walk in while you are fucking on his desk. Good day though. Made 6 sales
I'm on the Coaster ride of shame, currently sitting across two nice old ladies smelling like condoms.
Randomize
