I will give everyone a free pointer today. Here it goes, always pee by the house late at night to avoid getting shot by drunk bastards with guns. Never go by the tree line.
I think rescheduling my finals around when Im going to be hungover is responsible
Im in the STD packet for new students this year. And im going to be plastered tonight so be forewarned
some fat dude with wolverine facial hair just walked out of your room with a snuggie. explanation needed.
I'm at the point in my life where I'm trying to get guys I've fucked to give a ride to guys I'm going to fuck.
I wouldn't blow him for all the queso in the world.
I'd rather blow that homeless guy who asked me to breast feed him.
I know you are gonna wanna ask a lot of questions but when we are home I need to cover your face with deli meat and photograph it
There arew tilmes ina man's life when christmaas. THerew are times in a man's lfie when drunk texts from a bathrom hyufgirto. So, you know, merry chriastmans.
Dude i'm still drunk and i'm feeding a raccoon cereal from my bedroom window
You need to finger her with the Spock hand sign since she loves Star Trek.
Some guy walking down the sidewalk just looked at me and said "hey it's the world champ". How drunk was I on Friday...?
As a rule...I don't sleep with my friends or watch movies with talking dogs
She walked into the kitchen, said 'we've come to this time of the party,' reached into the bowl of cold spaghetti and shoved a handful in her mouth.
Did you really kidnap my goldfish last night?
I'm just going to tell you this I knocked up your girlfriend. I didn't mean to I thought it was somebody else I wasn't drunk but it was dark.
The truth is better her than my wife.
Randomize
