OKAY SO WHENEVER I SEE AN UGLY COUPLE I ALWAYS WONDER WHAT THEY SAY TO EACH OTHER IN BED. creepy?
dinner at cheesecake factory: $40. drinks at yard house: $50. having sex in the VG parking lot while people are staring at you awkwardly: priceless. Goodnight.
that girl last night was a 15
wait she was 15?
no like black jack not sure if you should hit it
All I remember from my 21st is crying because the bouncer made him put his shirt back on
just added God to my list of friends who can only see my limited profile on facebook. its such a relief to know that He can't watch me fuck up my life anymore.
i distinctly remember leaping through the apartment to rescue the clam chowder burning in the kitchen
I tried to put a seat belt on in the shower. And I'm 80% sure I ate soap.
This is your morning news. Today at 5 pm I will be going out of town until the 29th. If you would like some great sex before I leave, please contact me. The available packages are: a house call, an outdoor excursion, or a delivery style in-car quickie. available only while supplies last.
I'm fighting fire with fire. When my parents interrogate me about what I was doing last night, I tell them the truth. Every disgusting, awkward detail. I'm 23 now and they need to get used to it.
No, I got those cupcakes fair and square. That homeless man should have known not to underestimate the determination of a stoned chem student.
I respect the size of her balls.
Yeah but I don't respect the size of her anything else.
You're lucky you got out when you did, about an hour later the girl in the Franzia box started wrestling everyone.
Some dudes just stopped and stared at me peeing in the street for like 5mins, and I yelled HEY. HEY. WANT ME TO SHIT IN YOUR MOUTH? I'LL SHIT ON YOUR CHEST FOR FIVE DOLLARS, PAPI
this is why i love drunk you
i have a strong feeling that today will be a naked day for me...i don't feel like doing shit
Remember, I smoked so you wouldn't have to. I'm like the Jesus of Marijuana.
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