everything is bigger in texas. Including my drinking problem.
eating raw peppers to burn the taste of semen out of my mouth
Dude, you posted a cap of a porn to survey if it looked like me. That's pretty certifiably creepy.
Exactly. All of us sinners go to hell and get nothing while all of the goody two shoes get to go to heaven where its all pink floyd, lasers, and pot.
You stole her bday cake and shared it with drunk strangers on the street.
He graduated with honors. I've seen him kneeboard on dry ground and run a razor scooter into a wall...anyone can graduate with honors
other than the jail part I had a really good time with you
He was the one that got away. From my vagina.
When people ask about my bruises, I'm just going to say it was a doorknob. Or possibly a group of doorknobs. Angry doorknobs.
My 7 yo sister is trying to talk my mom into buying her a strawberry margarita. Happy Cinco de Mayo.
I sat on the bathroom floor yelling "hell hath no fury!" for about 20 minutes.
It's definitely revenge time.
I swear to the sweet baby jesus I didn't fill your freezer with salsa and my little pony toys, but I didn't stop them either.
have fuck
*fun
actually forget it have a fuck too it'll do you good
I did not get pleasing results from googling “Bob Ross goat”
You're swimming in an imaginary pool of pudding. What do you think?
Randomize
