Dude michael jackson died, guess he's not 'stayin aliveee' any longer.
Uh dude that wasn't a michael jackson song it was the BGs
I'm like a warm blanket that has sex with you
They past out watching a re-run of the 1984 presidential debate on cspan
her dad is making me watch Glen Beck, i only agreed because i penetrated his daughter earlier.
despite contrary belief, getting peanut butter off your balls is not as easy as it sounds
The mass text at 3:12AM offering "free scrotum tastings" will have repercussions
I'm going to replace you with a friend who will be happy when I find a huge penis
One good thing about being a mom now, I can tell which guys I'm dating were breastfed and which weren't... By the way they latch on to my breast during sex! Kinda kills the mood.
you showed up at my door at 3am, handed me a bag of cold chicken nuggets and said "lead me to the non-irish Siobhans," do YOU think you were tripping?
Brah, we should get a "do not disturb sign"... I can't have people knocking on the door while I'm high, it fucks with me way too much.
I try not to flex my sex appeal too much around the engineers, it's like feeding bears...always ends in disaster.
I've now fucked in every motel room in this small town.
Sometimes, being an adult means buying a bottle of whiskey after work and live tweeting the commercial breaks on food network.
A Valium induced mom decided to walk into my bedroom this morning without knocking. Guess what I was doing? FML
Want a bet? I'm a kinky and determined motherfucker with a libido that is not easily stopped
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