wanna go halves on a baby?
a strip club that doesn't allow touching or asking for sex... whats the point?
unless her vagina can tell me my horoscope in sign language, I'm not going.
What happened last night?
You soiled yourself again and told everybody that you'd given birth.
there's chicken and sequins in our bathroom sink. part of me almost wants to know what happened
I'm pretty sure my penis yawned halfway through. That loose.
basically at this point ill snort whatever you put in front of me and just hope
I had to have the lights off to hide my face. I was laughing so hard I almost peed in her mouth
My Pizza Lunchables won't fit in the fridge because of all your alcohol. One of our addictions has to give.
he got all sad that i was going to fuck his roommate, so i just asked him if it would make him feel better if I let him motor boat me. i am such a saint.
thanks again for a nice night (and please don't fuck my boss)
I probably shouldn't be taking relationship advice from my side piece...
I was on top for a full on make out when in dead silence "I'm moaning Myrtle" came from the TV. Moment ruined. I got cock blocked by a fictional ghost
Emergency. I brought a boy home and we fell asleep, but I just woke up to him peeing against my bedroom wall. So I brought him to the bathroom but he fell over and he's sleeping in the tub. Can I leave him there? Because that's what I've done.
Better the hardwood than the carpet, right?
I just want him to make us coffee. And whack off into the sunset
Just convinced the cute guy from class that I have prostate cancer. GET ME OUT OF THIS TOWN!
Randomize
