Every time he makes fun of me for anything I just remind myself he ate ice cream out of a strippers vagina
its awkward enough using a urinal next to your dad but its worse finding out hes one of the guys who goes no hands and moans it out
I hate thxgiving break now because that totally means I'm not able to have sex for a week.
Her tits were the only thing that upgraded her from "no way in fuck" to "drunken mistake"
I came so hard that my back seriously popped like 5 times.
Remind me never to take that much Vicodin ever again. I laid in bed measuring my heart rate for an hour and a half because I was afraid it would stop.
Can we agree to not tell mom about this?
This isnt even the most disappointing thing i know about you.
I just used my AAA membership to fix a strippers flat tire in return for a lapdance...does that make me a bad person?
After a little too much, I decided public urination was a constitutional right.. Nearly got deported for that one
It's 11:13am and my chem prof is drinking a beer in class. I guess finals week is stressful for them too
You look wasted in ALL of the pictures I just saw you in.
That can't be good for your liver!
Thanks for caring mom.
I kicked down a wall in rage and found a door behind the drywall. Once again vandalism solves all my problems.
The cat's telling me to stop taking acid, and to start doing the lords work. I'm almost 99% sure he's talking about the dark lord.
THIS CAT'S GOING TO TURN INTO A SNAKE AND KILL ME! GET OVER HERE NOW! BRING YOUR WAND.
I'm going to leave the 5 dollars that fell out of my bra while fucking in his room on the dresser as an apology
Just saw a car towing a guy on skis drive by so that’s how Syracuse is doing today.
Randomize
