The mall is playing a fucking country mix of lady marmalade.
welcome to maine.
How was dinner with ur grandparents?
I was really blazed and scared they'd catch me, so when they asked about my day I was concentrating really hard on not saying smoking that instead I honestly said "Well, I had sex on your pool table, Nana."
I've spent 9 hours vomitting in the fetal position... how did i stay like this for 9 months?
I'm high, and her 2,100 tagged pictures annoy me even MORE. I wish it had a google searchbar so I could type in "cleavage pics" to get to the point.
Robbie told me you spent 10 mins discussing the curl in his hair and that you said "with that curl in your hair, you'll go far"
I don't think he understands the importance of corndogs. Or condoms for that matter.
Cancel that soberness update. I just almost fell down in the security line
Bombed my 8 a.m. exam and the liquor store doesn't open till noon. Drinking unfinished beers from last night till they open.
I was so stoned last night I got into an argument with your voicemail message.
In all honesty the person most likely to secretly slip me drugs would be ... Me
Can you repeat that, but with context?
The language barrier was annoying .... So we just had sex. That is how you deal with not being able to chat isn't it???
Got kicked out of the club and woke up at a frat house. Good night? Couldn't tell you. I got a date out of it I'm glad someone thinks my drinking problem is cute.
I wiped my ass with a McDonalds wrapper. I've hit an all time low. Sorry for my impatience
He said "I can't believe I had sex with a cat lady". Am I flattered or is this a new low?
Randomize
