Every time I find out someone else from high school got pregnant accidentally, I want to declare victory over them.
I got so many pubes stuck in her braces that when she yanked her head, I cried out like that one girl you "accidentally" rear-ended last week. Bald spots are battle scars.
She just sent me a picture of a heart. I need to stop fucking freshman...
part of it is the fact that im problem drinking, and the other part is my OCD wont let me leave the bottle half-empty.
Just found out my mom's voicemail password is 6969..
for future reference: even when 4 loko is flat it still fucks you up. im near a tree. come find me.
Nothing kills the mood when I am hooking up on the dance floor like the DJ saying Happy Valentines.
Just found my shirt from Saturday, got an automatic contact buzz.
Things I woke up with this morning: half a mcmuffin, orange hair, one shoe and a friendly german man. Tequila was a brilliant idea.
She is the absolute last thing I would want to screw. Honestly. Fellating a porcupine. Higher on the list.
trust me. coming from a bonafide dirtbag, this dude is up to shady shit
Sadly, she's the porn star that got away
I am all the way hung over and want nothing more in this world than a McMuffin. Happy day after Thanksgiving.
Well let me fuck you while I make potatoes. It's every girls dream
Or is it distressingly heterosexual?
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