I hate bills.
Like ones you have to pay or people named William?
I just made easy mac in my blender. Beat that.
I just took my friends on a tour of all the places I've had sex in my house. I dont know if that's more slutty, or the fact that it took 2 hours to complete..
Gay TA. Finally going to boost my GPA your way.
Oh my god my life; so much cake and so little sex
You always know it is going to end badly when a guy asks if he met you at a "coed naked lawn bowling party"
Leaving someone plastered on a corner at 3am telling them to just scream for cock is NOT being a good wingman.
you know you've had too much sex when your vagina hurts when you laugh
We got back from the bar and started watching bizzare foods, which subsequently led to the consumption of large amounts of rancid lunch meat and small insects.
We really shouldn't need this many nicknames for the women you've had sex with.
SKIIIIIIIIIIII, trip mo foes! Let-ith the epic- ness begin ith. Heroes go forth, nAy Sayers fuckin die. This is for the good of mankind! See you on the morrow
Apologies to the number who did not expect to get this but certainly be jealous of us.
in the midst of studying i picked up my capsule full of untouched weed, popped it open, and whispered "soon" into it. midterms man
I had tater tots and weed with a stripper at 4am who compared the size of my boob to her head because fuck you my life rocks
We had to push you home in an abandoned shopping trolley. You thought you were in a pirate boat and kept yelling "AVAST, ME HEARTIES".
I just spontaneously learned how to embroider at three in the morning.
I also almost burned the house down in the process. Don't ask me how. It's a long story.
Randomize
