I don't understand why she insists on me walking her to the door. She came over for literally 8 minutes, we had sex, and now I need her to leave. That fake chivalry will change nothing about the situation.
The first sip always goes straight to my vagina.
so he came over for the first time and i completely forgot i had pictures of him printed out from facebook on my wall and a newspaper article with him in it.. you can guess that it lead for an awkward situation.
Nothing good has ever or will ever come from 50 cent beers at the bowling alley..
We didn't even make it to the door before they came out saying we weren't allowed in because of last time..
what is the protocol for being hungover enough to vomit in a potted plant during my botany lecture?
Recently successful and happy relationships are at an all time high now that you are no longer fucking so many peoples girlfriends. You alone have changed the mating patterns in the lower half of our county.
You need to stop relating my life to your schoolwork. But tell my girlfriend that she'd be proud.
Of course drinkings involved. They don't call it alcoholism because we eat too many skittles.
We kept trying to bring you to the hospital but you had a tantrum and kept saying you would never be Miss America
Seriously can I go through one convo where masturbating doesn't come up
My very favorite thing in the whole world is when guys try to booty call her as I'm fucking her. Sucks to suck.
I give out orgasms like candy and ride a motorcycle...how is that not appealing
Alternately I could tell him western classical is just a series of events that had to happen for music to reach the point where Beyoncé was able to pen drunk in love, which is the pinnacle of humanity's artistic achievement thus far
Finding my pants in the morning should not make me this proud
What did you delete my number or something
Oh honey. What makes you think I saved in in the first place?
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