So I don't have any furniture but we just skateboard drunk around the floor.
Your brother just successfully got half the bar mostly naked
we are learning about oedipus in english. fuck you for making this awkward for me
Maybe you should go over there and lead him on and reach down his pants like he's about to get some and yank his balls.
That's the best idea I've heard all day.
mom brought her knitting needles with her. its bad enough to be in the ER on new years, but to be with the knitting parent!?
Let's just go topless and paint glitter over our nipples who the fuck cares
I found them on a couch next to the sidewalk screaming at cars with a megaphone. Kevin chased the mailman with a jello shot.
Well last time he got out of rehab he lasted 6 hours. So 3 days this time is quite an accomplishment.
We haven't even eaten dinner yet and she's already been asked to "take it down a notch" by the groom's mom.
I ran into the bouncer who kicked me out of that beach bar a few months ago. I told him I'd only been thrown out of two other places since then. He was proud.
My final act is to send you this message. I love you. Tell my family that I love them. Except my dad. Tell him I said "Eh..." while rocking your hand side to side. And tell Tim that I will always love the idea of him. Tell Caleb I love him so. Take care of Miss Kitty Fantastico. Tell the world that I will watch over. Good bye. I love you.
Like Is it appropriate to tell your boss you banged a guy in the back of a truck at a wedding? Probably not.
Don't be hating on my everclear. Never taken a smoother journey into intoxication.
Lots of tissues. Maybe pizza. Only time will tell. The stages of political grief.
When he was leaving this morning he said I'll text you later on and I replied with if you don't that's cool too.
Randomize
