...., I just tried brushing my hair wothh a toothbrushg. fail
ps not my toothbrush awkward.
They upped the price of Plan B! Rite-aid is going to be the reason I have illegitimate kids.
I left two hundred in singles in your car sorry about the mess
Don't let the fact that shes seen my penis discourage you
you cant just puke in an arbys and not order food. thatd be rude.
I JUST REALIZED HOW SOFT YOUR TABLE IS! and I also just started rolling
We left the knife in your bed.
And then after we fucked he wouldn't stop calling me "champ". It was like I had sex with an extremely attractive soccer coach
There was a slutty maid costume on the floor when I woke up, but the house was trashed. Either she's been fired or got promoted, I'm not sure which.
after attempting to eat a candy cane bigger than my hand i have determined there's no way to eat this that doesn't seem erotic
Never should have deleted her from my facebook. My new girl is so much hotter than she is, I just want to passive aggressively rub it in her face
The other night he asked if I had a condom and I said I had an IUD. and he goes OMG A BOMB?
There are condoms rolled onto each bunny ear of the ears I was wearing last night
Yeah, but having a dick this size has ruined 3 marriages.
This girl was in the river screaming that someone didn't love her anymore...that's when the guy in a kilt claimed her...
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