Got separated, got a half bj, got dropped off in random part of the city, don't tell anyone
There is a stranger person in my roommates bed...
What's the name of that girl you hooked up with? The one that looks like the fire hose sign.
I think I'm going to wait until after Halloween to call off the wedding. No need to ruin my favorite holiday.
They nicknamed me the gargoyle. Sex with me is getting gargoyled. The last one I fucked yelled "gargoyle me" for dirty talk. I think fucking me is part of their pledging initiation. Somewhat OK with this.
Do you remember some guy walking around the club saying "boner patrol" and smacking people in the dick?
Yeah, that was you
When one is stoned and browsing online dating profiles all men sound like serial killers.
i think he spiked my sandwich with a viagra
I just heard a 350 lb guy with a stutter describe getting blood in his eye as he was shanking his cellmate and, more generally, how to survive as a white guy in jail.\n\nYou should really consider going to some AA meetings
So I was trying to finish off that sick uv whipped and I chased it with yogurt. Not a good idea
We are going to the humane society and getting you microchipped so you don't get lost on your birthday. Either that or your getting a child leash
We were escorted through the guys dorm by 5 kids with nerf guns and zelda shields. I felt like the president with a fucked up secret service squad.
Have fun in Vegas! Be safe, use condoms, and take a pic of Jon beforehand to give out when he goes missing. It will help the police.
Did he at least walk u home
He offered. I dont like that shit. I want his dick not his presence on my walk home
So after we found out he wasnt throwing up blood in was just hawaiian punch and we all failed breathalyzers the cop drove us around like a taxi and brought us back to the apartment
Randomize
