either way he was missing a nipple.
Superbowl and Mardi Gras a week apart. World's longest bender here I come.
He started making shapes and faces with his cock and balls.... apparently if you wrap the shaft with your balls and turn it 90 degrees to the left it looks like a hamburger
I'm drinking and throwing an enormous tennis ball at children. I couldn't be happier.
You guys better make it up to the cabin in time for mud wrestling on Saturday. I'm not kidding. You know when I joke, and now is not one of those times.
Dear god how many nuts did u bust in me my vagina feels like a bowl of jello.
You were making out with a freshman and said you wanted to back to his place. Then when you got to the door to leave you said "never mind." He sad it wasn't fair and you got all serious and told him "welcome to the real world kid."
You should be able to leave recommendations on Tinder.
I don't want to sleep with anyone. I just want a burrito
He's been pretending to be gay for 3 months in order to get free weed.
He bedazzled a shirt for me that said "best head giver" should I be thankful for the gift or concerned that he has a bedazzler?
so then the cop took one last hit off our blunt and then drove off in his car and we just all stood there thinking, yea... that just happened...
if anyone asks you the platypus in my bathtub is a gift...thats all anyone needs to know
I should've known a straight guy wouldn't know all the words to Moana
Vocabulary what?!? Shakespeare is my bitch.
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