my iphone just auto-corrected drink to drnknghhhg...
i was so drunk i stopped mid-blowjob to make sure he i was with my boyfriend and not some random. twice.
I just jerked off and used a stopwatch to track my results. Pretty depressing on multiple fronts.
Well apparently "don't come inside of me" wasn't one of the English phrases he understood! On the bright side... At least he will get his green card for having an american kid!
Next thing I know we're all standing in the kitchen holding hands and thanking God for the beer.
The ratio of how much he pisses me off to how much sex i get just isnt working out for me
So I totally just remembered that you tried to smoke a hornet out of it's nest.
I don't wanna be gay for a night.
I think it would be worth it for free alcohol.
some people popped out of a houseboat and asked us to their party. their houseboat IS A WEEDBOAT. it is full of weed they grow weed. EVERYWHERE.
Def over. He sent me a nude selfie but cropped it right above his junk. Total Silence of the Fucking lambs looking.
Apparently I pulled that girl's number while I was trying to insist my drivers license had enough money on it to cover the tab.
I wonder if there is a über wall of shame that you are currently on. Like between drivers.
You were making out w/ur brothers coach against a door when someone opened it and you both fell through... Then you continued to make out on the ground
After last night I never want to be in the back of a cop car again. No leg room.
Here's a concept though: eating pasta while getting laid
Randomize
