whatcha mean you cant get rid of genital warts? thats not what my girlfriend says
Lady with a stroller in a bar. Think she's out of my league?
I woke up to a topless girl handing me a blunt. Candidate for greatest wake-up ever?
I'm pretty sure my penis yawned halfway through. That loose.
I didn't know people actually cried after sex.
I HAVE FLAVORED BLOW. THIS SHOULD NOT EXISIT.
Having skype sex with him in the lounge at 1:45am...THIS IS WHAT HE DOES TO ME
I don't remember much but I remember it was a unanimous decision that Santa was indeed real and Cait's stripping somehow proved this.
Had a student tell me he misses the old Four Loko. He's in 7th grade. No one is allowed to claim I started drinking too young ever again.
He appeared on my 7th floor fire escape and sang to me and jimmy through the window when we fucked. He's like a drunken mix of Sinatra and Spiderman.
I won't trust your judgement until the word stripper doesn't make me laugh
I found a door knob in my purse this morning, I hope whoever it belonged to doesn't need it today.
hahahah
Life if anyone rolls up to my funeral with shitty weed get them out of there
I should have robbed the cradle years ago. Turns out 21 year old boys can cum and still fuck me silly a minute later. My vagina feels like it just won a car from Oprah!
His mom just pulled off a quadruple cockblock. I'm not sure if I'm mad or impressed?
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