if you like me you must not know who I am
I think it's safe to say that I made out with the entire msu campus this weekend
Hey, It's Lauren. i wanted to talk to you tonight. I like you, as you know because kyle told you. I was wondering if you liked me too?
Are you in the third fucking grade? Check yes or no.
Hey I found a place that'll do a hand job for 42 bucks
He's on drugs...like drugs for horses.
did i really try to jack off an athens police horse last night? please tell me youre kidding..
oh yeah I know that guy. he's legit. slept in my closet a few times
Just kicked a guy in his penis in order to win a dance contest on Bourbon....desperate.
I'm not afraid to fist fight your child if I feel he is standing in between me and some tacos.
And on the seventh day, God carefully sculpted your cock to fit perfectly into my masterpiece of a vagina. Then he rested. Look it up.
There is no try. Just do it. Yoda said that. Or Nike. I can't remember. whiskey
We can put you in charge of something
I can be in charge of being more wasted than anyone there so everyone feels comfortable being ridiculous
Had a guy spin me around at the bar, kiss me then say "oh shit you're not who I thought you were" and then walk away.
And my coffee table looks like something out of Scarface
The only things in my fridge are almond milk, Smirnoff Ice and chicken noodle soup. I'd say I've done mama proud.
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