mom took my condoms, found one in the trash the next day
I know she was great
btw he is cheating on one twin with the other. the main woman in his life has a mullet. I defiantly have either the coolest or weirdest uncle ever
I feel like I'm in a bed a bagels and mistakes.
He skyped me to learn how to roll a joint and for us to masturbate together. And you said a long distance relationship wouldn't work.
Apple should advertise that their phones are puke-proof. They would appeal to a whole new audience.
Dude it's bad when your 10 year old son makes fun of your penis size.
Both our collective sex appeal dies once someone cums on a snuggie kayla
He left his phone. Turns out he;s been sexting with some girls who can't spell. Time to break out the herpes scare.
I'm throwing in the towel on today. The puke gods have won this war
Don't get me wrong, the sex itself is amazing, but I don't think I will EVER get used to her habit of singing lines Jesus christ super star when she is about to cum.
he can get married early and ruin his life but he sure as hell isn't ruining mine with a shitty bachelor party
The only person who DOESN'T think it's a horrible idea to sleep with my ex is my therapist. Obviously I trust her judgement above all others.
I was "singing along to the Lego Movie" high. Everything was not awesome
Asking me to suck on my nipples isn't going to make me less mad at you.
It was probably the night you were half naked and trying to blow everybody, guy or girl.
this is me we're talking about here. You're going to have to be more specific than that.
Randomize
