I got so high last night I started crying because i couldn't stop thinking about how scary space is
I swear god or herbie drove my car home
I just sneezed cum. He better have a damn good day at work.
well that explains the french fry and ketchup packet rolled into the wasitband of my sweats. thank you drunk me.
You have to figure out where to put this turtle dude
Fuck a-yeah! I just found a wine key. Let 'Don't Fuck With Me Friday' commence.
Karaoke machines out. We're taking turns farting into the microphone. Shits going south fast. Definitely be awake when you get home.
Her craziness is the sexiest thing about her.
I can't wait to read your obituary.
He came over last night and as soon as we started having sex Siri announced "you've arrived at your destination." I think it was some kinda sign
I would bite a mans dick off for a chocolate milk.
I told you being able to play expert on guitar hero would get us laid one day
I'm glad you found someone that both loves you and is cool doing coke off your tits. Proud of you.
After we'd both come, we started writing a book about dragons. Woke up this morning to a full English breakfast. Can't thank you enough for introducing us
Do u believe in the possibility of big foot?
You high??
Listen, yo... we need to have a serious conversation about this Dollar Store toilet paper. Because if I’m going to finger someone’s ass, it’s not going to be my own.
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