yo dude i was totally schwabbin last night.
what does that even mean?
you ever see those charles schwabb commercials, where the people are like half cartoon half real.... well yeah i saw that in real life.
she took her clothes off and my dick went from =====> to =>
Before he took my jeans off all he said was "no hard feelings from middle school right?"
The only comparison I have for the iPhone is that it's like youre constantly getting a blow job
Margaritas are 250 calories. Now measuring all food in margaritas
He walked into my room in the middle of the night, whispered something about the patriot act, and took my tv.
and she just brought her bike into the shower with her
I really think that guy just walks around with tennis balls in his pocket. No dick is that big
I know what you meant. If you want babies in time for your birthday, we gonna need either a time machine or a ski mask.
so I ate shit in the bar and took a barstool down with me and this guy helped me up and I just started making out with him. I need to stop meeting men like that
I woke up to a stripper (who added me on Facebook) messaging me reminding me to cancel my card if I can't find it
Don't date the locals. They're all tainted.
My mom's yelling at me for being a whore and my dad's quizzing me on how to drive in winter weather....I'm home!
I just woke up with a cowboy hat on my face and a playboy from the 90s on my chest
If I hear the phrase 'these unprecedented times' one more time I'm putting my foot up someone's ass.
Randomize