I'm not a mortal combat character
but my vagina is
she wrote "SORRY" in her vomit and left
I bought the tickets, he brought the weed. thanks to you, we had to roll a joint out of my bible paper.
I think her nose is broken... but I think she's just drunk enough to fall for the whole "sex releases endorphins, so it'll feel better" line.
I thought it was kinda weird that her ten yearold sister was playing bartender, but hey, the girl makes a damn good drink
I just watched nsync videos for the past half hour and you could totally tell lance bass was gay in all of them
found my necklace. it was safe with all 6 boxes of peeps that i bought that night.
who were those guys at the table sniffing dryer sheets?
You convinced her to break up with her boyfriend, made out with her all night, got her to buy us all shots then went home with a different girl...
That explains the "i hate you" text. But the facebook deletion is a bit harsh
Can we put your name for the shipping address for penis ice luge?
ALSO, I NEED TO BORROW A CAT. ASAP
Maybe it was that imaginary ghost dick you were stuffing in your mouth a minute ago
I like to imagine god has to get plastered to deal with the fact that he made you and me
my human sexuality class is the only class where the porn i watch the night before is relevant to the discussion the next day
She's chasing the cat around the house hitting it with a cardboard sword yelling "there can be only one!"
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