she took her clothes off and my dick went from =====> to =>
Just saw a cop issuing a DUI. At 3 pm. It's definitely the start of winter break.
I need a second opinion on who's blood is in my car.
At second job interview this week. Wearing pants to hide pole dancing bruises. This my life.
Yeah thats cool. We can play the alphabet game while doing bumps of coke in the back of his volswagon
I drank butter last night, who am I to judge?
Is it possible to rally from a drunken seizure?
Dude, don't put me in a suit and feed me liquor; I'll never go home.
Random question: Have you ever woken up and were suprised to not have a penis?
literally 50% of my time being 20 has involved my genitals thus far
When you went off to sleep with that guy that looked like a dirty Jesus and I asked why all you had to say "trying to keep Christ in Christmas" and left. The Vatican called, you're going to Hell.
Did I hit my head yesterday? I have a bump on the back of it. Also I just want you to know that I don't blame you for me taking my bikini top off. If I want to be shirtless no man or woman on this earth can stop me.
If everything else in my life fails, at least I just had one of my top orgasms
I mean I've seen her tits but I don't know what her voice sounds like
Just used a NyQuil cup to take a shot. This night is headed nowhere good.
Randomize
