you were calling yourself Ulickes S. Cunt.
It's like I'm the Little Bo Peep of sheparding dicks.
Only someone with your twisted mind could come up with that simile. Do you sit around and read 'How to turn Beloved Childrens Stories into Sexual Analogies?' This is the 3rd time you've done this.
hungover + watching bobsledding = i just puked
I replied to the university automated mass text about the armed robbery at the on-campus Starbucks with a sad face. Basically sums up my night.
My mother's day gift to my mother is to promise never to tell her 95% of the stories I've accumulated in my life.
The question of "Will I eat a piece of curried chicken off the floor?" has been answered tonight.
But the ghost of his schlong past haunts you
He's grinding topless with a group of girls to that discovery channel song. May I take a message?
You kept saying we got to find the end of the rainbow, which turned out to be a box of lucky charms and Guinness in the bag of cereal
I almost had to fight a bird, and you know how scared I am of birds. It found that Percocet that I lost in the grass last week, I threw out my back when I launched myself at that little fucker.
Well I smoked some weird shit and I think I peed on my phone.
Did I really just send a work email with cum instead of come? feck me
try to milk me bitch
Fuck the system, do you have any medieval weapons?
I have decided that I would still fuck Harrison Ford even though he is old as fuck now. Do you think it would kill him?
Most likely. But I bet he'd do a bang up job of it before he died.
He absolutely would.
Randomize
