Great. Don't do shady things like that ok?
Okay just took the preggers test..and im NOT! :)
awesome babe! drinks tonight!
Wait does the happy face mean yes? fuck.
Apparently when he woke up I was tripping my face off. Everytime the cat meowed I would meow back. This went on for several hours.
GUESS WHAT I JUST LICKED
I feel like half our conversations start this way.
Feels weird sitting between two guys who've had their heads between my legs in a 24 hour span.
Would you have sex with a guy wearing a Batman mask?
It's all hypothetical, I don't have a Batman mask... yet...
Your whole purpose in life is to just float around and satisfy lonely women and also join lesbian couples in threesomes.
Next time you're baked eat baked beans and potato chips together. Like dip them in the beans. It's so good
You climbed on top of the bar, shotgunned a 25oz fosters and screamed, Steve Irwin was a God amongst men.
Hooked up with an ex Playgirl model. I feel like the universe just high-fived me for staying sober.
I joined the mile high club last night. I ran a mile while high on coke. It was glorious
Like I blink, and he's face first in my vagina.
If I could tell my younger self three things it would be: 1. Smoke a lot more weed 2. Have a lot more sex 3. Own a good set of pots and pans
SUFFER THE WRATH OF THE PISS BAG
A guy I don't even know just ate me out on a washing machine at a random persons afterparty. I came as it was going through spin cycle.Just kept thinking "who does laundry during a party?"
Randomize
