Its way too early to be sitting naked at his dining room table...
Either I get my picture taken sitting on a fuckin pony, or I'm not coming.
Chinese roommate asked me this a.m when u left if all girls here have multiple boyfriends..
He started using my brother's rc helicopter as a beer delivery device. He's a drunk McGyver.
Also, I've found a new way to get drunk at work for free. Everytime I make a bushwhacker and there's extra... I put it in a cup. Its the Never ending drink.
You need to come back and help me drink our beer so the fridge has room for the other beers
And if I don't get arrested for drinking and canoeing over the next 3 days, this hurricane will not have turned out anywhere near as well as I planned
There's a very drunk Asian strawberry shortcake crying on the curb next to my truck. I'm not really sure what standard protocol is for this situation.
You and the dog were competed for the water dish
Just found my socks folded and in the back pocket of my jeans. Apparently drunk me refuses to lose shit after the panties incident over New Years.
He spelled Steven with "ph", needless to say my nose was almost bleeding from the amount of axe he was wearing.
I ran into him drunk, barefoot, at rite aid and he said I looked "stunning." Yeah, Stunningly shitfaced haha
Come to this bar
But I'm full of food.
MAKE ME FULL OF YOUR DICK
I smoked my last bong as the sun rose. It was magical.
My roommate's overnight guest is screaming about the dog licking his asshole. I need a new place to live.
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