Why can't we have signs that automatically flash on our foreheads that say not interested when gross ugly guys come around, like those glasses that get dark when the sun comes out?
The Mets? Come back? That'd be like Nickelback writing a good song.
She made Precious look like a solid 6.5.
Pro tip: Don't start playing Bejeweled on Facebook while waiting for your Adderall to kick in. Unless you have the next 9 hours free.
i'm not sure if i'm mentally prepared for this.. politeness? proper grammar? book reader ? this is a whole new meaning of the species penis for me.
we fucked the fort apart but we'll rebuild it after we get some drinks.
You need to get over here. I think the drunks are about to sacrifice a chicken to the beer gods. Or a freshman. Stay tuned.
walk of shame this morning involved walking through the in-home daycare that she runs while it was full of kids. judgemental little shits. on a plus, got a juice box and a graham cracker for the walk home.
I'm sitting with my parents watching football and moaned when I saw his shirtless picture. They looked at me weird so I had to turn the moan into a laugh. A sad, really horny laugh.
So my nipple piercings were only $20 because it's breast cancer awareness month. Fuck yes!
Currently sitting in the movie theatre bathroom while she gives him a blowjob in the parking lot. Don't ever tell me I'm a bad friend.
so apparently last weekend we taught the mascot how to shotgun beers. am i winning college yet?
masturbating on the freeway is more stressful than it sounds
I wonder if my sister will drive me around while I do bong hits in the back seat..
I'm in the fetal position trying to figure out a way to get someone to deliver me pancakes.
Randomize
