Remember when you weren't going to be a shit show?
Done. Eyebrows are waxed, entire body shaved
When i woke up this morning she asked me 'when did you first find out that you could see the future.' I gotta stop drinking.
Thats not how it works. You get the Rachel, and then Rachel kicks you out. Don't linger or try to cuddle, its just pathetic and makes me look down on you and your penis
A surprise thumb up the ass and I'm wide awake. She was right, no need for caffine pills I could fight ninjas now.
Wow. I grabbed the wrong container to rinse my contacts- it was a beer. And it comes out waaaay faster than saline.
Weekend plan is a big bag of dope, delivery food, Bollywood marathon and masterbating my dick raw.
I miss yesterday.Today's hangover makes yesterday's look like a little girl with blonde ringlets playing hopscotch in the street with a ginger kitten.
He just walked from his house to mine. Walked in and asked for a hug and then left.. And he's sober.
I'm beginning to worry that I seem to get along best with people when I'm naked with them.
She doesn't even know his real name...he just keeps calling himself Hans the Third
I'm not allowed back because I may or may not have insulted his beer. And the entire Czech Republic.
As much as my throat was opened up this weekend, you'd think I wouldn't nearly choke on a damn almond.
Will you still call me Bond when I'm sober?
he came with me to get plan b but they didn't have any. when I started crying he said "come on it's not that bad.. ill go get sandwiches from the vending machine and we'll have our first meal together as a family"
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