am i morally bankrupt?
no. its just the recession
Is it a bad sign when i blow my nose && can smell vodka?
i can't put facebook on my resume under hobbies.
You cant give me a fifth of god damn jim beam and expect me not to cheat on my gf.
Using that mug my little cousin painted for me as an ashtray for my weed...at least next time he asks me if I'm using it I can say yes
His morals are debatable, but his heart or perhaps his penis is in the right place.
His penis is crooked. Right place? Maybe he starts there, but then he slants.
We passed out in his car so I had to find a way to inconspiciously make my walk of shame back inside to go get my shit. To make things more difficult I had no pants and the whole neighborhood was awake
Also... I'm unsure what to do with my face while someone is choking me during sex. Like I feel like its hard to look flattering.
I just put on lipstick to sext him. That should tell you where my love life is at.
LOL he's a hopeless romantic now? 🤔 I'd say giving him a bj in a freakin softball dugout isn't the most romantic thing but it still happened
I have booze and I wanna give you a bj. How can you be mad at me?
I mean, I was expecting a little more coke snorting and a little less kids and cake
Stoner thoughts are the only thoughts I want to have now.
You took your shirt off at the bar, handed it to a girl, and made her wash your dirty shirt on your washboard abs
tuesdays get the best of me...
I need some buff guys to cuddle me and call me precious
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