Cool, I just put that together. I didn't know if using a tie-died sub machinegun was too crazy
stop changing my ringtone to people fucking, it looks bad at work
Her breakfeast in bed consisted of half a pop tart that I didn't want, and water that I slipped birth control into... Who says chivalry is dead?
Srsly this has gone to far. Just broke my nose on the toilet. College bars.
Literally I thought my ears were pouring out blood. That high.
I might not remember all of last night but I clearly remember the part where I humped the mailbox.
Itll be like a collage of penis. And not that abstract, one penis in a big painting contemporary shit. Collage....
You threw my heel at her from across the street... And hit her in the back of the head so hard she face planted into the street. I need more friends like you.
This is the first time I'm hearing this information.
Can you please come and collect your boss off of my kitchen floor.
If we're single and alone together, the fuck angels shall sing upon our nude bodies.
my cockatiel has aquired a taste for beer. I should not be allowed to own exotic pets.
Honestly you'd think more guys would be happy to date a cute female dealer, but apparently something about safety or whatever
He fucked my brains out then fed me cheese and peanut butter. I might be in love.
She threw her burger out the car window last night. My vegan neighbors were not pleased but I’m pretty sure I saw a for sale sign go up on their lawn so I owe her one.
Stop letting me drink alone on saturdays. My last 2 google searches were "short legs" and "caterpillar eyebrows" ? I don't even know.
Randomize
