I really wish I didn't have to wear pants this is ridiculous
he told me he saved a turtle in the middle of the road.. i told him id be over in ten minutes...i mean he deserves a bj after that.
You were yelling at the cops across the street saying they were at the wrong party
I hijacked a bellboy cart and rolled into the party dancing on it
he can show you his cooooock\nshining, shimmering, splendiddddd
Dude cabbage spilt on the floor, and now danielles rolling it. Happy st party's day.
So is there some kind of punch card you and I get to use every time we fuck a chick with a cast?
We can see it once so I can see the whole movie, then I'll go see it with him so I know when the boring parts are and I can have sex with him during those parts
When I say drunk I mean that in the process of filming a fratstar cooking show they threw a keg into the street where the police came to clean it up. now all they can say is "THE KEG GOT ARRESTED."
Guess who woke up with a hangover this morning? The same person whose parents found out and woke her up by banging pots and pans with wooden spoons.
I bet yours is gonna be filled with secret innuendo.
secret innuendo and cervical punches to the world.
my last search of the night was "the physics of green eggs and ham" what the fuck
Do you congratulate someone for having bigger tits, or is that a no no?
Well I found my neighbors on tinder if you're wondering how my night went
What are u up to today?
Marathon sex and eating.
Randomize
