I typed "housewife" into monster.com's search engine....I got zero results...kinda bummed
I'm watching this guy on intervention hospitalized for liver damage. He's drinking the hand sanitizer in the hospital room. Say hello to your future.
Chipotle...archenemy of the gay man. Cockblocking me since 1997
im wtih 32a right now bc 34d is on her period. now i know how girls feel when their hookups go from magnums to regulars
when i'm drunk i think im just gonna point at him and yell adultery is a sinnnn. youre going to helllll
he rubbed his balls on my face to wake me up.. this friends with benefits thing is getting out of hand.
You picked up her frozen vom puddle and threw it like a frisbee.
My new best friend is the drag queen who works at mcdonalds and doesnt judge me during my walk of shame coffee break
I was laying there trying to sleep and then he sat up, took out his dick, and put it on my shoulder. It wasn't even hard- it was just casually perched.
Hey mom, soo do we have a family lawyer or am I on my own for that?
Just thinking about this summer makes me feel a slight tingle of an orgasm mixed with a twinge of regret as the cold ghostly feeling of multiple hangovers creep into my body.
SORRY FOR THE CAPS. I DIDNT CHANGE IT IN TIME AND ITS TOO FAR TO GO BACK NOW. PS IM SUPER BAKED
... drunk me broke the coffee table?
STOP TALKING ABOUT YOURSELF IN THE THIRD PERSON. YOU DID THE THING.
Like wanna sit on your face while you speak German hot
I just turned down an invite to sit on a face. IDK who I am.
What? Are you sick?
Randomize
