its like whenever the snow comes all the hott girls drop out of school. where are they
In Denver there are more bars per capita than any other city also the healthiest city. That means lots of drunk girls and no fatties.
my momz letting me make the christmas card in photoshop
so that means christmas in space?
imma make our dead cats ghosts like obi wan kenobi
He pretended my clit ring was a door knocker.
she crawled under her car and passed out. Unfortunately her feet were sticking out and someone called 911 because they thought she had been run over.
We really have to stop convincing people tazing is the cool thing to do.
she cut her forehead open playing a drunken game of pin the tail on the donkey and now she's having a panic attack.
How is it possible that I'm still a virgin and you've managed to have sex in a cheetah print onesie TWICE
If there was a card that said "I'm sorry for throwing up on your bathroom counter" I would send it to you.
I know him enough to fuck him but not enough to give him advice.
How many nights in 2015 can we have no one get injured, run away crying, or get into a brawl?
I have bruises all over my legs. Did I hit a car with my bike last night?
You were dancing to the Bee Gees, at 3am, with a piece of ham on your head. Moral of the story, You can't drink.
And with the bitter taste of failure in my mouth, i am off to pub to drown it in tequila and 19 year olds, so in the morning i can add pregnancy and stds to my list of problems.
I’m sorry my lady boner messed up your mojo!!
Randomize
