I had a disgustingly explicit dream last night involving myself and lil wayne.
Whoa!!! Accidentally took a dump in chick's bathroom at Red Robin. 1 hr for coast to be clear. Women's farts sound like geese taking last breath. Liars.
youre just mad i got the high score on the breathalyzer
I did the seizure Bad Romance dance again last night, didn't I?
you were really good actually. your skill is increasing over time
he went up stairs with nothing on but calvin klein's and an eskimo hat, said hi to her dad, got a doughnut, and left like it was an everyday thing
In an unknown location. With a giant marshmallow stuck to my back. Hello breakfast.
Btw, whenever you feel discouraged about your life, think about me being frantically upset bc my mobile porn site limited me to only 5 videos a day
Yea i think drunk-me kept all my bar receipts, just to throw it in sober-me's face.
Moments after comforting her about her boyfriend issues I found myself in the other room showing him my tits.
I'm really hot. went tanning and this cheeseburger shirt like isn't breathable
I'm drinking and working out! I'm bench pressing the beer pong table and doing push ups and lifting the chair.
It was a great idea until we got stuck in a ditch. We had to call redneck cousin 1
Henceforth: booty calls will now be referred to as "deliveries of anatomy". That is all.
I'm definitely not going to be able to fuck him high. I won't be able to not laugh at his man boobs
You're talking to someone who was 80% serious about breaking into someone's house and leaving a cat there with our names in a heart tag on its collar
Randomize
