I just spent the last hour reading customer reviews on amazon.com for the book "it hurts when I poop." Send help.
i just woke up and "where the fuck is taco bell" was in my search engine...
Her problem is just that he inner beauty is just as ugly as her physical beauty
DIN'T JUSGE NE.
Fantastic. I'm pretty cold, tired, dirty, and hungry, but that comes with an adventurous weekend. Who needs a wallet or keys anyway? I could totally be homeless.
What has two arms, one testicle and no credit card debt? This guy.
They switched jackets and you didn't notice. You made out with both of them and had no idea
I got kicked out of the men's bathroom at the diner last night because i was straddling the sink attempting to pee with pants on. Beat that.
We were high as shit. We argued for like ten minutes about going to Dunkin Donuts and then just ended up rolling down hills. Thanks for the weed.
Your brother slept on my deck. There was a key under the mat. Relapse party success.
I just fell and sprained my ankle in the shower. No, I wasn't having sex. I was doing the time warp. Again.
You’re about to have a sober threesome with a rando at a Fenway bar?
Fuck I think I want to but I don't think I should. Caught between should and wanting.
just follow your vagina
Quote of the day.
Dude I woke up with a handprint shaped bruise on my ass, a pong ball in my cleavage, and somebody else's gold chain around my neck. Who's house am I in?
I think I should've done my makeup before I took the acid. Because now I just feel silly looking at myself in the mirror
Randomize
