Michael Jackson and Farah Fawcett are dead
NOOOOOOOO not MJ! Someone tell the paramedic to grab him by the heart and just "Beat it"
Billy Mays is dead, Vince Schlomi is in jail, who's going to sell me useful gadgets at ridiculously low prices now?!
I haven't been able to trust a girl since spanks came out
May God have mercy on my new vibrator.
you went around and groping mens pants to see "which was worthy" of you to go home with.
i just ran into my boss at the liquor store. we didnt exchange words, just nodded in mutual understanding.
My spanish isn't great but I'm pretty sure he was calling me a "little monkey" while I was blowing him
Ok well hopefully you're not staging an intervention for me at your place because I'm bringing beers
You rolled around on the floor, yelled about being a "half-zombie" and bit that guy on the leg who was hitting on me.
It's 2:10 am I am sprawled on the floor of the kitchen drunk and eating cold chicken wings come help
My purse is like an anchor I can't move I am sliding around like an over turned turtle send help
This floor is really dirty send a maid if you can
I had sex in an engineering office last night. So that could be your life. I was mounted on top of a sketch of a future parking lot for a maintenance building. If that's not romantic, idk what is
The highlight of my night will be digging in other people's garbage
I’d feel the same about religion. We can talk about it, but I want you to go down on me first
Tonight was a total waste of a shaved vagina
Newest quarantine problem - I’ve watched all of the porn. Like everything on the the internet, all the DVDs, mags, VR, leisure suit Larry all of it and I’m still horny af
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