tfor prom could you pick me up wo bottles of champagne and a condom, please?
Drunk in a bar in Texas. The 24 y/o hottie I am chatting up just called me a male cougar. I am dealing with this whole turning 40 thing juuuust fine.
drinking steel reserve before noon and watching the price is right... 211... bet i pass out before then.
I need to stop researching the drugs I do on Wikipedia. The parts about abuse and dependency hit too close to home
You were in the bathroom for two hours practicing "Revenge Faces".
the last girl i hooked up with and the last guy i hooked up with are hooking up right now. this is where bisexuality becomes a problem.
I drank mimosas and played bocce ball in the middle of finals week...now i know how Comm majors feel all the time.
You didn't know it was a gay bar until the 7th guy rejected you. You were crying because you thought it was just a bad night. No more for you.
I'm sorry but the visual image of you suffocating on vagina is basically hysterical
I said he looked like a lumberjack and that's when he came. I guess he liked the beard compliment?
One day I'll learn not to get drunk on a plane. Today is not that day.
He finally left. I didn't introduce him to the roommate. The sex is bad. I don't want him to feel welcome
I do have a history of lying to Customs. I once convinced them I was an astronaut.
Oh fuck, I'm officially a cougar..he's got the same name as my grandson
can I CTRL ALT DELETE this universe
Randomize
