It's safe to say that our attempt at trying to fuck in the grand Sierra elevator was a bad idea.
I clipped one of my extensions in his hair to give him a rat tail. What is my life?
Just used an eyelash curler to open my beer since I didn't have a bottle opener. Things are starting to look up.
is it weird that our first time having sex was makeup sex?
well at least you didn't have your nipples chewed last night
moral of my life: don't tell a guy you want to have sex with him. he'll get back together with his ex.
She got up, grabbed me a box of gushers told me to start eating, and immediately gave me the best head I've ever gotten.
Hey buddy, turns out those were the PB&shroomwiches, soooo you may want to reconsider dinner with your girlfriends family tonight...
How did I get the fat lip, while puking I may or may not have sneezed... Wacking my face into the toilet bowl...
I was not drunk enough for that final.
no offense but you looked like shit yesterday
tequila is unforgiving..
If you shit your pants and not say anything about it right before we have sex one more time I'm dumping you.
hotelroom bed is big enough to masturbate in, but small enough to not want to sleep in it after you've masturbated in it
A guy in a chewbacca suit just came up to me and asked me to buy him weed.
The last thing I remember was them slipping shots into my beer bong, and me being happy about it
Randomize
