The make-up sex just reminded me why we broke up in the first place.
"tonights gonna be a goodnight" was blasting at the club while i was screaming "NO ITS NOT" and crying. How do you think it went?
He told me that I smelled like a Glade Plug-in, then sang the Menard's jingle in it's entirety in between kissing me.
I'm not an expert but calling her the "hot lesbian" isn't going to coerce her into a 3some with you
put me on a leash or i'm going to fuck someone
I dont think that yelling at the medic "Christmas is gone, fuck off santa" was the best idea when you couldnt feel your legs.
You're just jealous because you lost me and I ended up at another party licking Marshmallow Fluff bikinis off of lesbians.
Just found weed in an empty handle. Who knew Capitan Morgan was also a gardener?
Watching this game makes me realize that we have yet to do Skype shots. What kind of long distance alcoholics are we?
We were having sex in the gardens when the grounds keeper walked up on us. He gave me a thumbs up and walked away
I can make a sex schedule on Excel and send it to you guys
I want a shirt that says, "I'm sorry for the things I said when it was Taco Tuesday"
It's official cum is not a great leave in conditioner
Do me a favor and scream dirty things at him in a polite sexy, come hither way
i was sitting on the kitchen floor shaking my gallon of vodka at people and asking if they wanted to climb the heaven hill... getting dumped is the best thing that has ever happend to me
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