so i saw this homeless guy this morning yelling at a pay phone like chewbacca.
That's what you get for being in filth-adelphia.
Taking a shot for every status related to the patriots losing. Hello hospital.
Just traded a samurai sword for some drugs. It's gonna be one random ass night
The difference between you and me last night was that I didn't remember getting into the cab and you didnt know we were in one.
This is a pre-sorry for hitting on and then sleeping with you're ex
At what point does "I'm too high to deal with you right now" stop being rude?
All i've had today is coffee and ketchup packets. I need a job like yesterday.
He's just sitting there staring at my sisters teddy bear hoping it will come to life.
He would drink pee if it was in a beer can
Happy Birhtday!
Dad, it's 3am and it's not my birthday... wherever you are, go home
Mom and I are both drunk and walking around the Strip. It's like the hangover but with a lot more bathroom breaks.
I'm 2 beers deep on an empty stomach, and I just wanna say, I pride myself on my use of commas
I'm about to eat a honey mustard chicken salad on the toilet while I try to shit. You really think I care about what "kind of guy he is?" The fuck out of here.
If you don't care, I don't. Good luck finding prince charming.
When campus security rolled up he stole their car and drove it like 100 feet. Then he walked up and gave back the keys because it was a hyundai.
Dude it's unhealthy how much I love vagina in my face
Randomize
