So #1 way to come back last night and #2 wishbone and I broke into his house and i opened joey's door and u were both passed out and pantless.
im dirt poor will suck dick for halloween costume
He adopted an old drug sniffing dog so that he won't lose his weed around the house anymore. It works.\n
We were on the balcony tossing jello shots to people passing below
When people said no i'd yell "i tried them i promise they aren't roofied!"
You're making her cookies in enchange for knitting lessons. You will die a virgin.
You know what my problem is? I'm like a machine designed for the sole intention of removing the pants from damaged girls.
It took all the strength I had tto sit at my desk and not tear off my business attire and run screaming from adulthood and flourescent lights.
He refused to pierce my nipples, saying they are the best he's ever seen and that blemishing them would be a crime
I'm laying here half naked telling him I'm eating gold fish to change the subject of hookin up cuz I don't wanna put pants on
I drew you a picture of Jesus holding hands with Frida Kahlo as a token of my gratitude
some kid lit a j in the bar tonight. i was in awe of both his boldness and the severe beatdown he received moments later
Doug will be the one to get my vagina. I don't know when or how but I'm now declaring that it is his. And he better not disappoint.
cmon you know I'm perfectly capable of something that ridiculous 100% sober
I'M IN A SPINNING VORTEX OF SELF-HATRED AND HORNINESS
This week I fucked a police officer and called both the Senators from the state I'm in and the one I'm moving to. What have you done since the election?
Randomize
