clay aiken is like melissa ehteridge without the guitar.
ok think of it like jelly beans. if you can learn to like the licorice ones, youll always have lots of them because no one else wants them. its the same with fat chicks
That girl's pussy is like White Castles, you crave it once in awhile, but you know next morning you regret eating it.
I told her at least we still had each other. That's when she started crying.
woman puking in liquor store parking lot at 9:30 on a tuesday morning = best commute ever.
I don't know what happened to get you in this mentality. This time last year your were ass up on a hotel bathroom counter getting licked by a stranger.
After i black out, be a good friend and point me to the direction of a girl with daddy issues, any girl would do just fine
HOLY FUCK COMFIEST CHAIR EVER
I gotta say, I do way better with the ladies than I do the men. So if it turns out being gay is a choice, then I'm going to go ahead and choose it.
So it was all good until she started grabbing my beard and telling me to "roar little lion"
Double check your contract and see if it says anything about sleeping with your manager
On a scale of 1 to hungover I’m definitely throwing up at the office today.
Yeah, we got drunk and stole road signs.
Pretty sure he was in my class in like 2nd grade
I like how you know everyone I've ever fellated.
Mom just walked in on a bj. IT'S WHATEVER.
Randomize
