chick im bringing home just asked our cab driver if she could do a line off his turban. i think im in love - or trouble.
I'm drinking a margarita out of my 'best bj' trophy and it tastes like victory.
sooo my mom just yelled up the stairs " you left your bowl down by the computer"....aaand for a second I forgot cereal bowls still existed
This dude is being a total douche
Just because it's Christmas Eve does not mean the liquor store has to give you a free bottle of peppermint schnapps
He kept insisting that I was going to have an orgasm but it just felt like he was rubbing sand paper on my vagina
..But I'm still alive. And thats the main thing
Totally just projectile vomited while ridind a bicycle.
Oh my god. I just realized something amazing. If I get pregnant with a boy, that technically means I have a penis right??????
I think the "tmi" ship sailed a long time ago, and it took our dignities with it..
I mean, the night I fell out of that bus I made you pour vodka onto my wound to clean it, then duct taped a paper towel to my hand and kept drinking.
He tried to brush a hair off my cheek, but turns out it was just a freakishly long chin hair. So no, we didn't bang.
She is still out of it but keeps saying ur name she said to tell u dinosaurs aren't real but biscuit with a z made bad choices
The adults are the big ones right?
Maybe life is about finding the person you DO want to cuddle with after they rail you like a porn star
I was dressed as Waldo and the cops kept saying looks like we fuckin found you
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