Me. At least after what I've been through.
I got into my dads silver toyota in the back seat to get picked up and 2 mins later I asked my dad when are we leaving, then an old mexican woman turned around. wrong toyota I'm guessing.
i tried to get you to come inside, but you insisted on throwing up in the flowers "because they're pretty."
been home a week and haven't blacked out yet. i miss college
every single one of us blacked out. we woke up the next morning and it was like the night never happened. IT'S STILL A MYSTERY
You walked in, sat down, looked at the waiter and said, "I'm only having deserts and liquor."
Aqua-barf. When you are about to puke in the toilet but pass out face first instead...and then puke. WITH YOUR FACE IN THE BOWL. There is no escaping the puke ring you have on your face. I know first hand.
Well sorry I accidentally spooned your mom and possibly threw up on you
Post a pic on facebook and see if those same 46 girls find shitting in the bed handsome and adorable
I spilled beer everywhere which led to an oil fire and me melting a spatula again. And then I was late to class so I explained what happened to the teacher.
I am drinking green tea.... My liver is in shock
My vibrator looks like a lipstick tube. So does my mace. I just realized the potential problems of keeping them both in the same bag.
Well, if you're anything like me you'll get a lot of ass when you turn 30, so that's a plus
he woke up this morning, drunk as fuck, butt ass naked, and he had left grandmas gun on the counter and doesn't know why.
I just spontaneously learned how to embroider at three in the morning.
I also almost burned the house down in the process. Don't ask me how. It's a long story.
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