They were like stripper heels, except business stripper heels, the kind strippers would wear to court.
Dontating $10 to the Red Cross relief effort in Japan for every car bomb I take tomorrow. Yes, buying me a drink just became a good cause.
im pretty sure the clearest way to say "dont worry, im not emotionally attached" was by sleeping with his roommate the next night
I don't think he knows what shame means anymore. He gave some bar slut his sisters Tiffanys necklace, in exchange for anal.
Be here at 9 and look fabulous. We have drag queens to impress.
Wake up. We're going shopping for booze and samurai swords.
I'm eating those little wheels of cheese and watching storage wars, this is the opposite of sex.
You told me you had two boobs that want to be naked for me. I'm just following up on your request.
As he was going down on me, I looked over his shoulder and said "ohh a Christian mingle commercial is on"
I feel like emojis are just meant for explaining sex without using words to make anyone uncomfortable. It's a true gift
I mean it's a good blow job, but it's not worth the four hour round trip.
Can we talk about how i drunkenly changed the timezone on my phone last night and just showed up to work an hour early
Sometimes I get confused on who I really actually know and who's lives I just know everything about via internet. Its a fine line
On the plus side, he ate me out and gave me an orgasm. But he also talked about robots during sex and mispronounced it like the dad in the goldbergs and called them “robits”
I think it stinks she’s cheating on him. My vagina on the other hand is tingly thinking about a summer of sexual healing
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