Ugh I have so many sins to confess tmw at church, you just made me think of many more I've made on that street alone
So how was he last night?
Five-minute foot-long.
I don't care if he is my ex... I have the deed to his dick until someone else fucks him. We broke up 2 years ago.... I am still holding that deed!
can you buy anything in the cafeteria for less than $2? I spent the last of my laundry money on a chia pet
two gay guys came in and bought just a kite and a box of wine. Why cant I have saturday nights that awesome
I was actually high enough at that point that I was just casually following your glowing footsteps like in Avatar while we ran from the cops.
Apparently someone switched my cash for monopoly money after midnight so I couldn't get any more drinks at the bar
Okay the common myth about putting tampons in you nostrils for a nose bleed is busted. It just starts coming out through your throat.
so far, I've observed him try to hit on 3 girls, 1 guy and a bar stool. Humanity is amazing from a sober point of view.
If you've ever wanted to get filthy in a Catholic church before 2 on a Wednesday, I might be your guy.
Dude, I passed out on the side walk, lost my phone and shirt, and walked 12 miles home after I disappeared from the club
Nautical themed porn is also great bc someone usually wears a captains hat
He ordered a meatball sub with a side of meatballs.
I feel like I was playing penis roulette last night nd I landed on the wrong one.
YOURE A FUCKING ADULT. DONT TELL ME ITS PAST YOUR BEDTIME WHEN I WANT TO GET ANOTHER COCKTAIL.
Randomize
