I smelled like jager and penis. The only cure was a pack of camels and plan b.
when a girl says 'did you just try to kiss me' you should leave the bar. trust me.
Never drink rum straight from the bottle, even if people say it'll make you a pirate. It won't: it'll make you a bumbling shitfaced idiot who just drank rum straight from the bottle.
i'm in his phone as sushi coochie
I just made a milkshake without a blender... thats determination
i was just singing like a virgin out loud my mom told me to stop kidding myself
Well that wasnt the exboyfriend i expected to hook up with today
How can it be called memorial day weekend....I don't even remember this weekend
if he only knew that in between each sext i was puking.
Just threw up on my desk at work. They are making me go home.
Yes my plan is to drink the college out of me so i can be an adult by monday
Let's be honest, your relationships fail because the man you're looking for is the equivalent of an intellectual blow-up doll.
I mean I sucked his dick at 3 AM... UNDERWATER. I think I have earned a follow back on twitter.
I have a terrible feeling that I made out with a fraternity last night
I thought he was foreign, but it turns out when you're that drunk, an Ohio accent just sounds Russian.
Randomize
