I just saw a dog and thought "Hey! A goat!" Then realized it was a dog. Now I'm sad.
I almost got runover on the sidewalk by a car but wen it got closer it was a crackhead walking with the whole front of a car... bumper, lights and all... I love New York.
Watching marley and me... this girls got me whipped man
She started to tell me how she goes to a shrink, so I started thinking how to sneak out of her place, then she said part of it was for her sex addiction, long story short she's got her clit peirced n I just got laid
I should have but it might be too early in this fuckbuddyship to emasculate him
Shes definitely an expert at this. Her happy hour goes from 4 to 11, then she starts drinking heavy. She also allots 15 minutes each hour for a pee/bj break
I think the guy I was trying to dance with was an undercover cop...
SHUT UP I CAN'T HEAR YOU OVER THE SOUND OF UKULELE AND LONLINESS
I spent the morning naked in her roommates closet because her parents decided to come over after church..
There may or may not be an ass shaped dent in the hood of my car. All I know is windshield wipers aren't as sturdy as you think to hold onto.
Your choices in alcohol this weekend are thoroughly disappointing
He gave me an extra phone charger for the other side of the bed the other night. Is that love?
Is it sacrilegious to take tequila shots on Saint Patrick's day?
You know it was a good dinner party when one of the guests broke their finger and no one can remember how it happened.
She puked on the floor because she said she really liked to clean.
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