ive never been so in love with another man before, in a totally none sexual way... no homo
What is the pluralization of human? I just got humen rejected, and I am going completely blank...
It's not kidnapping if it's romantic
The party theme was heirs and heiress's. Most guys came in polo shirts but he came as the "arch duke of vagina".
I hijacked a bellboy cart and rolled into the party dancing on it
I told him we couldn't hang out because I had strep, he said he's had it once so he couldn't get it again. The sex isn't worth this level of stupidity
She's planning a December wedding, I'm planning on a June breakup.
I woke up with my name tag for work still on my shirt. It was a rough night.
There is a man playing a trumpet at this brunch and I hate life. Too hungover for this. Send help ASAP.
You would think a husband, a boyfriend, and a vibrator would be enough. But sadly it's not
So it turns out "let's pretend to be gay so guys will stop hitting on us" was step one in her plan to get me into bed...
Well, I can't remember Thursday and my left ass cheek hurts like hell, I'm guessing Mike's bachelor party was a success.
Fuuuuuck dude, he’s got #Excel in his Facebook bio; I’m screaming
I told him I thought I was pregnant and he told me he accidentally killed my bird.
Circle of life.
Sober sex is weird like I didn't expect this when I got clean
Randomize
