I'm starting a business if you want to get involved
oh boy
Its called Cut N Tugs, haircuts with happy endings
Her boobs more than make up for all the flaws with her personality.
your boyfriend is drunk and yelling to the bar that he loves his cats
we knew you were done when they played It's All Coming Back To Me Now by Celine Dion and you started crying
I stayed at the bar and helped clean up cause I was told I'd get free shots. Didn't happen.
I woke up in your car in the McDonalds parking lot. What the hell happened to 'no man left behind'?
sarah just described his penis as "like bong-girth." I'm gunna go for it.
it's ok. he made up for it by standing there and holding my purse while i made out with three guys at the bar. it was a pretty good night.
Just got hit on by a 50 year old Englishman who is now swapping drunken racing stories with my mom. Live Mariachi band in the background. How's that for a wake?
Did you have ill-advised lesbian sex on the deathbed of their relationship?
Of course. Go big or go home.
You're my fucking queen.
I don't know if I should feel proud or ashamed of myself...ashamed for making myself a drink at 6:15am or proud for actually being awake that early.
I made him fuck me with my coat zipped up and a unicorn mask on. That level of drunk sex. Weird and creepy yet highly satisfying.
For a second I thought that you were becoming a decent person again. I am glad I was wrong.
I've pulled 4 ticks off of me. This is the last time I suck dick in the wild.
Can I just go naked and covered in glitter?
Randomize
