Sex on bubble wrap = best decision ever.
went to the bathroom to piss, saw puke in the toilet thought wtf i dont remember puking, then turned around to find a chick i've never seen before passed out in my shower.
so i turned around to do some reverse cowgirl when he said that this was such a better visual for him. Bad compliment or serious insult. i cant tell
Im shirtless eating a burrito. How urgent is this?
I had to brake up with him.
In my experience drinking helps.
You dont want to know why?
Not really. I want to drink.
apparently i walked around all last night forcing people to beer bong whatever drink was in their hand. so far this morning ive had three people refer to me as beer bong man
He looks like a fat version of lurch from the adams family and smells like fritos. This is not the caliber man I want pleasuring himself to the thought of me!
Topless dodge ball cldnt top that
Someone downtown drunkenly stole the antenna off of her car... while she was driving.
Dude, you flipped off a cat from my balcony and yelled at it to get a house
You need to somehow incorporate the phrase "these hoes ain't loyal" into your best man speech.
I'm not into beards but apparently my vagina is.
Knowing that porn stars want to fall in love is the weirdest thing I've found to be beautiful recently. I'm so lonely.
I'm fine with our borderline lesbian behavior.
I think I just sharted jello shots
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