the other night i did but this one wasnt and it was so random. i was hooking up with this boy who wanted to roleplay and pretend to be snakes
I need to write the inventor of adderall a thank you note stapled to a copy of my degree
just watched a cripple ollie in his wheelchair to get on to the elevated floor in the bar. I. LOVE. WISCONSIN
WHY DO I WANT TO FUCK EVERY GUY THAT BREATHES
You are my mentor.
I drank wine out of a protein shake bottle last night. You may want to rethink that statement.
I mean I kinda plunged vagina first into my last relationship
That guy is like a clown car of sexy. Just when I think I've seen it all, THERE'S MORE.
AND SOME IN THE TRUNK.
Is the mullet a good, great, or horrible idea before we leave for college
The Wolf of Wall Street “I ain’t fuckin’ leaving!” speech when the cops broke up your party though...
is telling someone you can be his trophy wife the same as proposing?
Listen, I bought the coke that got us those free drinks, okay? Show some respect.
I mean, don't most people have like a two week grace period where it's okay to ditch new friends?
nothing like waking up to a voice mail saying your std test came back negative
I know... It's stupid... It's like, I have sex with his brother and bestfriend ONE time....
So a bottle of lube exploded all over my softball bag and Nike shirt.
Randomize
