You finger a girl once and she thinks she loves you. I'm going back to boys. Lesbians are needy.
I was eating out this girl yesterday and when I finished, she asked me if I wanted to take any home with me. She was serious, dude!
What does that even mean?
do you think they ever dumped Gatorade over Michael Vick's head after his dog won?
My favorite part of the day is the 2 seconds of ignorance you have when you first wake up. Right before you remember where your mouth was last night.
you kept lifting my skirt up, yelling "PANTY PARTY". needless to say, you're at the top of my father's shit list right now.
my parents are out trying to convince the local liquor stores to post "do not sell our daughter alcohol" flyers. i'm preping my defense now.
i want to major in coloring with an emphasis on crayons.
so finals studying is going well?
hey im home...im not sure how this mcdonalds got here but whatever im gonna eat it anyway.
You are going to be so proud of me, I'm wearing underwear AND tights. That's two layers more than usual between my vagina and the world.
I knew it would get worse when I said I think your roommate is watching and he looked over at him and said ... So?
Occasionally I curse my inner 15 year old when I'm fulfilling their dreams as a slut, but I roll with it.
I hope you have a dream of a sloth with my face touching you erotically
Nah I've been there. The worst you'll see is some hobo peeing in a sewer at 3 am on a Saturday
Dude Carly, it's like, inconvinent how often you cause me to have an erection
Did you mean to say flashlight? Or did your grandpa really give you a fleshlight for your bday?
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