Moan for me like Helen Keller
he was like "finding out that arrested development was cancelled" bad
I love him. He's like the father I never had that I kind of want to fuck.
He puked at the bar then immediately procceded to slip in it, they loaded him up into a wheelchair, then the staff and myself walked him outside, all the while never having to pay for our tab. SO using this strategy again
oh my god its dad's weekend for the sororities i can't wait to throw up in front of all these parents
Just charged fat mistake $3 for a beer.
Just curious... Do you still have the cocks bracelet? You know, the one we pass around to whoevers been the biggest slut recently?
Woke up to a bottle of gatorade and a packet of saltine crackers tied to underwear hanging from my ceiling fan, along with 3 advil stuck to a piece of duct tape and a note saying "have a happy hangover- <3 you/me"
Drunk you is pretty stunner.
My little brother just suggested we drink the rest of the vodka because it's raining. My job is complete.
I want to get my vag crammed with complete loss of every bit of dignity I have left by this man from every angle on every flat surface that exists. That is all.
I fell off my bed and busted open my chin on the prisoner of azkaban. Somehow missed the almost empty Jose handle next to it. So guess what I was doing last night?
I think we've entered a low point in our relationship when I'm sending you pictures of pubic hair designs "because they're funny"
I just got breakfast in bed and he went down on me. And you though he was a bad idea. Shame
Like, yea, let's talk sexy but also...LOOK! I SAW A CAT!
Omg I just woke up in his bed.. I'm fully clothed and he is naked. I'm so confused.
Randomize