so i woke up thsi morning with a phadora on my head, no shirt and a huge hangover? want to help me figure this out?
Well the bottom line is that I had to completely coat my testicles in Neosporin.
In the middle of blowin me she stoppped and told me how easy it would be to insert a catheter ..... Apparently she was a nursing major
yeah, but the likliness of me finding my husband at a party where the facebook event is titled "NEW YEARS EVE SHIT SHOW" is highly unlikely
she made me take her to the grocery store to buy a gallon of sweet tea and a shit ton of band aids, the cashier asked if someone was hurt and she replied "not yet.."
I don't know if I want to cry scream puke or go somewhere and drink more. This is such a weird emotion.
No, this is a senior booty call. It cannot be ignored.
Scary. I thought trees were a lie and that someone ha permanently stenciled them into my life. No joke.
Pretty sure the nurse said at one point I was in full restraints because I tried surfing my stretcher
Btw kudos to your tongue last night. Sorry about that lady jizz in your beard.
is it weird to think that girls born in '96 are now legal?
I guess she was just worried I'd end up sleeping with you again
It's not too late to disappoint her you know...
Is it bad that I have more guilt over drunk eating Doritos than hooking up with my ex's best friend last night?
You can't give me tequila around boys who have girlfriends. That ain't new.
Your first mistake was thinking that you could get through the day without drinking a single bottle of alcohol. Your second mistake was wearing shark boxers.
Randomize
