my passenger side seat is covered in alcoholic jello with a nude mannequin in it
the semester isnt officially over until i take the batteries out of my calculator and put them back into my vibrator
I found out during it when he said "my girlfriend never does this" so he's all to blame, I had no idea until half way through.
Yes I want to fuck your friends but it's out of respect and love for you.
By the third Id pass back i figured the bouncer had fucked one of us.
He's going to let me keep his bowl in my car. Does that make us Facebook official?
Road trip to buy me a baby zebra..are you in or are you in?
how do you expect me to pass the time when I'm too old to be jailbait but too young to legally drink
Apparently when it was last call I jumped up on the bar and told everyone to get the fuck out, which was immediately followed by a round of applause from the bouncers/bartenders and my tab getting paid as well.
It's statistically impossible for there not to be at least one guy sexting you right now
Easter bunny might get some gnarly munches and not even have enought candy left to hand out
Got a high five from a Superman stripper tonight
Is it weird that I only look up my ex on Twitter when I take a shit? May have conditioned myself to associate him with shit
It was a good dick. I give credit where credit is due. A good dick deserves praise.
Guess whose grandma smokes weed?
Randomize
