watching jon and kate + 8 right now is like watching my parents split up
I'll name the documentary, "The Adventures of Megan's Vagina"
bring the vodka.
i thought we were going to mcdonalds..?
we are.
I think when she wakes up, she'll either kill me, or laugh. I hope she laughs.
Did you ask last night's taxi driver about his penis hygiene?
You're the only person I know who would say "we'll play it by ear" referring to a threesome
it's been a while because I don't count the hooker
He just told me the blow job I gave him was like a journey
is year to celebrate how much I love you, I made a mosaic of your penis with conversation hearts. it's in your mailbox.\n\nHAPPY VALENTINE'S DAY TO YOU
What is their policy on bow ties and belligerence?
Wait, you seriously DON'T keep vodka in your backpack??!??!?
Dude, Donte totally wants it. I don't have any idea how I do it. I'm not even cool. I'm not even the hero Gotham deserves. I'm barely high. My hands are swelling. Want me to pick you up anything from five guys?
It took 6 cruisers to bust the party last night. Cop asked if the theme was a beach party. I said I would fucking hope so with 8 tons of sand in the garage
Marrying her is the worst scenario of any. That includes death and zombies.
Thanks for going with me today. It’s been a long time since I bought bra and panties because of a guy
It’s called “shopping for lingerie” and it’s one of the many exciting and sexy things that follow a divorce, along with sexting, sleepovers, and orgasms
But, our next lesson is picking up a younger guys at the bar!
Randomize
