In all seriousness though I just found out the dog pissed in my bed it'd be nice to crash somewhere other than my couch while my piss soaked bedding is in the washer
I seriously can't date anymore I forgot how to hide my crazy
Since my computer broke, i've been masterbating to girls gone wild. I feel like i'm in the 90's.
I puked for half an hour, but I went and danced afterwards, and that made me feel better.
You are so irish.
The theme is smores and alcohol. Dress appropriately.
How fortunate humanity is that it need not rely on the female orgasm for procreation
On my way home right now. I miss you. let's cuddle. whiskey.
The first song on his sex mix was "highway to the danger zone"
I called my dad at 3 a.m. because I thought he'd be proud that I didnt get arrested. Daddys little girl at her finest...
I just found a 2 minute video on my phone of you throwing up in a fake plant.
Also, what is a socially acceptable way to introduce a crossbow in public?
Just tell your mom you have to go somewhere half naked with a strange man. She'll understand
I WILL NOURISH YOU WITH SOUP AND PENIS!!!!!! And a sandwich of your choosing.......you like turkey?
He showed up at 1:10AM covered in mud and vomit, wearing a headband that said victory in Japanese. I WANT PICS.
I’m never getting home or fucked or eating hot Taco Bell fml
Randomize
