im pretty sure there are laws against slapping prostitutes
i'm pretty sure there are laws against prostitutes.
He gave me an orgasm with his left hand...and he's right handed. Of course he's a keeper.
he came up my nose again i swear he does this just to piss me off
They refer to his house as "the abortion clinic". Cant wait.
You told the waitress last night "What tip bracket do I have to be in to see your boobs"
I just test ran being their maid. I'm getting 50 bucks a month and they're buying the costume.
Looking for the remote in the couch. Finding Adderall beads. Considering utilizing.
for once, the $56 i am about to pay for plan b was actually worth the sex.
I knew you would eventually ask my secret. Pedialite mix drinks. Works wonders.
If life deals in absolutes, the in betweens are the most hairy.... Fortune cookie wisdom from a stoned Megan.
Zombie crawl summary: 5 of 6 friends successfully laid. friend 6 too drunk to care and making out with a whale (not a costume)
It's a gay bachelor party, it's not like dignity is to be expected
I immediately woke up from my nap, made myself a screwdriver and got in the shower. I know it's spring break but I'm still questioning my life choices.
At least you got some excitement going on, you got weed and might die tonight, I'm just sitting here bored as fuck.
these past three weeks have been a real "fuck you" to my liver
Randomize
