that drag queen yelled at him and touched me to make him jealous and said things like this is what a real man feels like. it was a thrill.
I wish facebook had a fuck off button.
Strippers tramp stamp says "mom"
he put on The Eye of the Tiger while she was in labor.
Just saw a dude hanging out a window upside down chugging a 60 of vodka. This weekend is big for everyone I guess
Every man needs a table where they can sit and reflect on the successful penile conquests of the day.
The goal for tonight is vagina. In and around. Doesn't matter who. How. Or why.
I am too drunk to be out in this weather around all these animals.
You may be in san diego, but I just watched a guy in a wheelchair sing walking in memphis for karaoke. Check and mate.
Two people confessed their love to me last night. Drunk is a good color on me
I feel like we have both made good decisions regarding our vaginas lately
Someone just asked me if I was chewing red hot gum.... I'm LITERALLY SWEATING OUT FIREBALL.
carb up bitch. we're drinking with football players.
He doesn't wear a seatbelt. He votes Republican. He has a small dick. That house of cards just fell apart.
She’s 47 and wants me to fuck her on her mom’s hospital bed
Randomize
