I have two girls sleeping in my bed naked and I ended up making it to class, what were you saying about staying in on the weekdays?
Fyi when u order four mini bottles of scotch on a 45 min flight. The flight attendants jaw drops to the floor.
There are too many people and smells in this elevator for my hangover to handle.
Also, my drunkenly packed sleepover kit consisted of a singular sock, my uncharged laptop, and a pack of post-it notes.
I think my hand is broken. But his nose definitely is
Well that's the first time I've woken up with wet jorts
I just want to have sex and eat oreos. and then take body shots. like everyday.
I have a taco in my pocket for later because I am a practical drunk
And I just want you to know I got myself into this mess. I gotta get myself out. Plus, don't you only need one kidney?
Well I walked the wrong way for a little bit and I don't remember if I fell asleep or not but I definitely laid down under the over pass for a while
Apparently it's not a "bonding moment" when you realize you use the same porn site as your boyfriend
I just realized that with the new snapchat update / emoji sticker thing I can now use easily use emojis to cover my boobs in nudes.
The bride is so wasted, she fell into her cake.I wanna be on her level
One of the Mormon boys that comes to the door is really sexy and I always think 'I would absolutely destroy your faith'
The people above me are fucking to Miley Cyrus
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