If I'm having a dream where I'm having sex and I can actually feel it between my legs because I've had a lot of it recently, does that make me a whore?
I have a feeling this is a serious question. Problem solve, Jess.. I'm going to let you figure that one out on your own
i wish my penis had a tongue
just woke up and this girl had my cellphone nestled in the front of her thong. i kept thinking "is this a trap?"
Please get rnbert tn get chebk h'm in i'm no dead when he getr gome
I poured myself a glass of chocolate chips at some point during the evening.
I'm really not interested in hearing from him. Unless there is casual sex involved
I caught him trying to shit in her bed. I asked him why he was doing it and he said "because it's wrong."
Learned my lesson. Pink pantydroppers out of a beer bong=deceiving
Kristy will be communicating through my phone. Due to her current blood alcohol level, the laws of Pennsylvania, Erie county, and common decency have deemed that she is no longer permitted to have her own phone.
God I feel like the rain man of hangovers.
Fuckin wine wasted last night. Found my pants in the toilet this morning.
You continued to run around saying "free the nipple" while "taste testing" every liquor on the premises.
I did all i could do but i woke up smelling like cigars and theres salsa all over my face
I have a guy for practically everything... except for making me waffles on demand. will u be my waffle guy?
That was before I lit my hair on fire
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