First thing she said after sex was.. are you baptised by chance?
You know im sick of people that are still obsessed w obama. that was sooooo last year
A horse told me not to drive home last night. I think there was a cop on top of it.
Well fuck that. I mean, I made out with my cousin once. Who gives a fuck.
I forgot how wholesome of a place a park is when youre not drinking there.
Well then sir I'll probably see you tomorrow after my class and at 3 with your clothes off. Sounds like a solid way to start the weekend to me
P.S. I just made up pleasure scepter for the purpose of that last message.
Saw a girl outside my apartment shotgun a bud light, then a red bull, get in her Tahoe, and drive 4 people away. Gotta love thirsty Thursday.
In the morning when you read your texts, just fyi you showed up at my house drunk off your ass and shoe less and demanded I go to the bar. You need Jesus.
Literally breaking up to my boyfriend while jamming out to Feraglicious
IT WAS JUST SO LITTLE AND AWKWARDLY FLOPPING BACK AND FORTH
Calm down I'm not kidnapping the bartender
He left cushions on my floor, chocolate on my bra and unexplained scratches on my thighs. I think this one might get a second date.
I just got wasted for $3.50. My life can't get any better.
she was sitting on the toilet asking for me to take a "cute facebook profile picture" for her
Randomize
