It has come to my attention that I should apologize for myself and my friends
I wish I could still say I don't know that you taste like bad ice cream.
Yo, if someone calls you asking for John Stamos, just go with it.
we are playing family charades. my sister pointed at me. everyone guessed alcoholic.
apparently the bartender would rather give me free shots than tell me that my whole nipple piercing was hanging out
I would not wish his dick upon my worst enemy
I FOUND AN AUSTRALIAN THEY CALL VOMMING 'RAINBOW SNEEZING' I'M NEVER LETTING HIM LEAVE EVER
Doing the walk of shame at 1 AM. Stumbled across a rave. This night is epic.
If tits could talk, mine would be bragging
he couldn't get a boner so he asked me to sing you shook me all night long to his penis. I think it was weirder that it actually worked
You were yelling at the mannequin and saying "DON'T LOOK AT ME"
Last night he told me I was never sexier than when I was cutting pizza. Seriously. Like, he's perfect.
I shouldn't have watched rise of the planet of the apes and then gotten high. I'm now convinced that the cats are out to get me.
I just announced to Denny's that I'm not wearing a bra.
I totally fucked your pastor last night.
You're his wife.
Still a dirty get down.
Randomize
