Texts From Last Night · Random Texts

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(760): View more from California

dude my grandmas the shit. she has a sixth grade education and got hit by a car when she was 18. she cant smell.

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(214): View more from Texas

Dude let's go to Saudi Arabia. They outlawed valentine's day. And probably love.

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(709): View more from Newfndlnd, Labradr

a cabby told me that vodka is the coors light of liquor, and then gave me his number

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(704): View more from North Carolina

She fell down the stairs and hit her head on the concrete. Then she stood up, flashed us and stumbled away. I forgot to get her number..

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(814): View more from Pennsylvania

Yes I was being legit. That's the only plant I want in my house. A growing penis.

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(803): View more from South Carolina

thank you whoever used my nalgene as a flask. pregamin in chem

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(218): View more from Minnesota

We're you guys there last night when everyone started chanting "Nacho Steph"? Someone picked me up, carried me to the nacho cheese and made me do a nacho cheese stand.

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(828): View more from North Carolina

I literally have anal toys soaking in the bathroom sink and dinner on the stove. If that doesn't scream "domestic goddess", I don't know what the fuck does.

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(306): View more from Saskatchewan

Lol. I liked you the most when we were banging random girls and trying to tag team everything. You were happier then.

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