I wish they made portable blow up dolls for girls.
It's called a dildo, genius. Go to sleep.
Um don't talk to me about fat. I just used my chip bag to cover up all my candy wrappers in the garbage.
the chick you hooked up with on my couch facebook friended me.
just thought you should know her name is kristen
you act like breakfast cereal isnt an entirely appropriate chaser
$100 bras are my way of telling my boobs that I love and appreciate them, and all the metaphorical doors they have opened for me.
Careful, it's a slippery slope to discovering you're bisexual...trust me.
Some guy just rode an office chair down my street, I hope he comes back so I can give him my number.
Hooked up to multiple episodes of Even Stevens last night. What the fuck.
Like real life can suck my metaphorical dick right now.
I fell asleep in the tanning bed, naked, for an hour and a half and I guess they couldn't wake me up so they called the fire department...and they came in while I was passed out naked...
We peed together in a dark alley while holding hands. That is a bond that can never be broken.
Never in my life did I think i would give a blow job in the bathroom of my old elementary school. Twice.
I'm sexting with a 20 year old that has a foot fetish... This is what Sailor Jerry drives me to do.
Yea. You locked yourself outside naked with nothing but running shoes and claimed it was a "parent trap thing."
Last night I tried to apply for a job at ihop. That drunk.
Randomize
