btw, but what hole was i in last night? wanna know if i have to worry
we're taking shots every time my dog licks his penis. we're on number 8 now.
you should have been aborted.
We have had massive layoffs this year, yet the guy who cant flush his shit seems to still have a job
it was a weeks worth of wine for $20. it would have been fiscally irresponsible to not buy it.
not the best booty call
did she squirt?
only if tears count
I'm not throwing down for dinner because I plan to have so much tequila I puke it up anyways. How much is a cab home?
What happened to the good old days when we whispered the words beer pong and people came running?
I passed out and slept in my car. Now I feel like a hungover zoo animal. Look and laugh people, look and laugh.
You thought you were Snapchating on your tablet, but were really just poking John Stamos' face on my Full House dvd case...
Is it customary to send a 'thank you card'to someone who gave you awesome oral as a gift at your housewarming party?
it was a hallmark card with butt plugs.
This is a weird combination of planning and sexting but whatever
I just called my grandma crying, apologizing for being the first grandchild to have premarital sex...I'm either about to start my period or pregnant.
Quit bitching. I brought you a muffin.
Can you please come in my room and pour water in my mouth? Too hungover to move. btw who is this guy in my bed? Can't see his face. Cute?
Randomize
