i was so high last night that i actually googled "how to get un high"
if you ask that question again our friendship is over
So, it's like build-a-bear for your vag?
If he comes back to you and I'm left alone in lonelytown I'm totally going to poo on your car.
Any day that starts with a call from my ex-bf... crying... is a good day.
I just saw a girl walking home wearing a tshirt, boxers, and cowboy boots. Thanks for having the decency to drive me to my car.
Apparently I gave him a 'Steve jobs blowjob'
new girl just came onto the hall stumbling drunk with no shoes on and the guy who brought her doesn't have them either
I realize now that I left my pants on that table in the downstairs bathroom at you house on Tuesday....
Nothing sez sunday morning like waking up in a phonebooth with a leg cramp.
I told her I had the flu when in reality I did way too many drugs last night, haven't slept and don't want to sit through a 3 hour buisness meeting trying to figure out which voices are real and which are in my head
I got stoned in my snow covered car and pretended I was burried alive
HEAR YE, HEAR YE! BY ROYAL DECREE, I WILL BE KNOCKING ON YOUR DOOR AT 2PM UNLESS YOU GET THE FUCK UP. IT'S 1:50. CIGARETTE TIME, BITCH. I LOVE YOU.
I feel like I should throw some tampons around my workspace so everyone will know what's really going on
It was Thanksgiving sex. I was thankful for it. Need I say more?
why did i wake up in the bathroom?
we had to stay with you a while until we convinced you it wasn't safe to wash your face, then you fell asleep with your foot in the toilet.
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