so he let me use one of the toothbrushes that came in his daughters 4 pack, purple glittery toddler toothbrush, the next time i came back his wife has used their label maker and put my name on it...
I'd call her a cunt, but she dooesn't seem to have the depth or warmth.
She said "Lay the fuck down and ill show you how its done. Ill get us both off." I did. And she did. Best words ever said before sex.
we found him in the shower with a bottle of jose saying "this is Mexico's fault"
I woke up to the sound of a beer can being opened. I love him already
How was your weekend?
The sex was so good. It hurts to exist.
So I peed on what I thought was a wall while in nashville come to find out while running from the cop it was just a dark tinted window and the while bar witnessed me peeing
the gays at disneyland are vicious
Super stoned right now. And I stared at my exit, thought to myself "hey self. That is your exit" and I kept driving right past it.
One of your snapchats was of you with a 40oz of Mickeys and the caption: "Deep Throat back in her natural habitat"
I just added Tubthumping to the playlist for tonight. This is going to make or break the party.
Thanks for having me over last night. Sorry I licked rum off your kitchen floor.
He was publicly touching my boobs before I even knew he's a famous World Cup skier.... That's how hot he was
I woke up saran wrapped to a chair....
I just wanna go home jackoff, eat chicken fingers, drink beer, play halo and go to bed. I'm sick of this shitty school, the shitty kids and having to fucking teach them.
Randomize
