I wish my cat could text because i would tell him that everything will be ok. and i wish he could send them back..but him have no thumbs. him no know what he would text with.
I left a bag of circus animal cookies in my car all day. they melted together into on giant cookie. this could either be the best or worst thing ever
took acid and went on safebus. all the lights were off except the adds. swear to god it was a submarine
How's work?
Spinning.
Watching tv. She's giving me head and she hates it when I watch her.
Also I'm very proud of th fact that I walked my dog before bed. Drunk dog walking should be an Olympic sport; it takes SKILLS.
I'm so high that I'm intently watching my neighbor move his car back and forth in order to put his motorcycle in the garage, and getting irritated that it seems so complicated.
I have no idea how but i got a hold of a blue food dye packet. And proceeded to rub it all over my tits. So yeah i'd say its safe to say i'll be known as smurfette for a while
I just swiped right for a guy on Tinder solely because it looked like he was holding Zoboomafoo
So is seeing the guy's penis that I'm talking to something you're into or nah?
Were not even through the second month of the year and I potentially may have torpedoed a marriage...
she just kept straddling the railing to the stairs and shouting "come on Seabiscuit, lets win this for America."
I fell into a police barricade, a cop helped me up and asked if I've been drinking. I just looked at him and said "dude.." He proceeded to take out his handcuffs
Change of plans & whoring it up tonight
The thing about online classes is the prof can't tell this mug is full of beer.
Randomize
