Hotel room at 3 am. She's 42. Stockings and heels. All because I opened with a joke about cougar hunting. We'll high-five later.
okay I'm thinking he doens't have a facebook...I'm on page 28 of Hunters
ok you need to stop NOW
He tugged on my tampon string and said 'there's a snake in my boot'. Needless to say he called me Woody and quoted Toy Story the rest of the night.
Her parties are sponsored by Valtrex. This might not be your best idea.
This is worse that I thought. He's playing violin for me.
I'm not being over dramatic, but I think my heart is going to stop beating.
sending him nudies in gran's hospital bathroom. you?
At this point, just throw that mattresses away. Or bronze it and display it as a testament to your shame. either is good.
If this nail lady pinches my achilles one more time im kicking her directly in her bedazzled boobs
I think the worst was the guy who sent me YouTube videos about how age doesn't matter, and then a link for natural breast enhancements. Kill me.
He somehow always manages to get me naked within 5 minutes of being together. It's like fucking witchcraft.
Thanks for duct tapping my dick to my leg while I was passed out. I could only aim straight down. I stood on your bed. Have a nice day at work!
I just got wasted for $3.50. My life can't get any better.
All I'm saying is there better be a bow on your dick for my birthday
Apparently walking into a national conference and proclaiming "i'm here to fuck shit up" is frowned upon.
Who knew?
Randomize