I would have added her but her profile pic was piece of pie
I am laying on the kitchen floor eating cold chicken fingers and drinking wine. welcome to my new years party.
At least my shower head will respect me in the morning.
Whatever is fine with me, as long as I am dressed in green and end up shitfaced.
CAUTION: TWINS DO NOT HAVE TWIN PENISES.
When she talks to me all I hear are 5 generations of inbreeding speaking.
I am not kidding you. There is an airport luggage cart overturned in my driveway. We need to stop going to the airport bar.
My roommate threw his shoe through our window and I came out of my blackout kicking holes in my wall. Pretty sure Edward 80 Hands won't be happening anymore.
you were trying to convince me that you weren't drunk by grabbing my shoulders, looking deeply into my eyes and saying "i can see your sparkle"
I just let my hand run under cold water for five minutes. I couldn't stop staring at it and the only things I could think about were how amazing it felt, how cool water was, and what a wonderful world it is that we live in. Reasons why I don't smoke...
Congratulations, I drank so much for your birthday that I'm shitting blood.
Sorry about coming to the pool in only a thong. I thought you said it was closed. Not that you were teaching a group of kids how to swim.
Toppless hop-scotch needs to become a competitive sport
I mean jail does seem alright, all the free broth you can eat.
Well I'm missing half a toenail if that's any indication of my night
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