you dont need to remember merediths name haha. only jane
Apparently he's never heard a queef, he totally thought I farted and got freaked out.
dude i'm inner monologue high
so when we got to the frat house he had a travel sized toothpaste and toothbrush for me and gave me a pair of his shorts and a girl's sorority t shirt...something tells me he's done this before
she said she'd blow me if I bought one of her sorority raffle tickets. Goddamn it's gettin easy
he put $150 on the cabs dash so 9 of us could pile in and ride 3 blocks to the apartment.
at which point he tried to give himself a prince albert piercing with the stapler on his desk.
I think winning the long island race means you lose at life
Just got gas in my car for the first time while high. Went better than expected.
Every girl my sister has brought home from college I've had sex with, check and mate motherfucker
Yup. Dog walker, house sitter and mistress to the rich, bored and bi-curious. I've got a nice little operation running.
Go have sex with him right now! Drunk sex is the best sex.
I know but these gold fish are so much better
Well I just woke up to no pants, Gatorade on the headboard along with an uneaten steak, and the instinct I was a giant asshole.
Our faces when the strip club was closed looked like the grinch just stole Christmas ☹️
The blunt fell in the hottub, i mean i knew she was upset but i didnt expect her to dive for it and come up balling her eyes out...
Randomize
