I told him we couldn't have sex because I was ovulating and "I come from fertile people."
We made a drinking game out of Project Runway. Gay guys are so fun.
Don't say that out loud. People might think I really like to pee on you.
Of course you don't like it. I am the one who likes it.
Why is there not a 'day after acid' genre. Or even a pandora station or something.
i thought i'd fucked her to death. no lie. she just stopped moving.
She definitely pulled a diaper out of her purse and cleaned up the vodka with it, where do you meet these people?!
We didn't even make it to the door before they came out saying we weren't allowed in because of last time..
If you've never been pounded by an Eastern European body builder, I would highly recommend it.
You don't know scared until you've just begun the first stage of an acid trip till a guy on stilts with a creepy mustache and beard says "enter the Forrest"
I woke up naked and only wearing cowboy boots, wrapped in a curtain that was still attached to the pole
Yes. He better. Or I will shave a penis into his beard while he sleeps.
he told me he didn't like my name so he was going to call me Casey instead
We were literally making dick jokes with his dick out
That’s the level of friends with benefits I aspire to achieve
I just fanned myself with my wet toothbrush to dry my mascara. Wtf
now whenever i pass that house all i can think about is how i pooped in their yard..
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